Biden Books – A Satire

by Paul C. Binotto

© 2020

While under his self-imposed quarantine in the hermit-ically sealed base-mental ward of his home, mediocre monk and media darling, Joe Biden, did not let this time off the campaign trail go to waste.

Not so surprising, the media’s presumptive president-elect, former vice-president, and seven-term U.S. senator, instead ambitiously spent that time preparing himself for what is one of the greatest rigors any president must ultimately face – writing for the many lucrative book deals that always follow their time in office.

Incredibly, Biden hammered out ten books within the short span of the seven to eight months of seclusion.

More incredibly, the list of book titles wasn’t obtained from Mr. Biden or his publicists. But was discovered among the other information contained on the recovered hard drive of Hunter Biden’s abandoned laptop.

Like the machine’s other content, you will never get to read or hear about it in the mainstream media.

So, we are giving our readers an exclusive sneak-peak at the yet to be published book titles here:

  1. “Steering the Ship of State: Four Years With the Left Turn-signal On.”
  2. “Country Budgets Should be Like Family Budgets: 50% for Pops.”
  3. “Presidential Philosophy: The Buck Stops Here But a Twenty Will Move Mountains.”
  4. “Spelling for Dummies: Curses You Can Perform From the Comfort of Your Basement.”
  5. “Presidential Diplomacy: How Selecting Prince Charles’ Wife as a Running Mate Now Will Pay Diplomatic Dividends Later.”
  6. “Walker 1: 21st Century Presidential Transportation for 20th Century Presidents.”
  7. “Separation of Church and State: How the Second Catholic President was Catholic Second.”
  8. “Justice Reform: Ways to Rein in Overzealous Prosecutors You’ll Want to Brag About Later.”
  9. “Presidential Plagiarism: Ask Not What You Can Do for Your Country, Ask Hunter What You Can do for the Big Guy.”
  10. “Mediocre and Media Made, How an Average Joe was First Called ‘President’.”

Biden even went so far as to figure out a way he could democratically choose in which city he would launch his first book tour – a Literary Advisory Committee was formed to first come up with a list of possible cities. And, then to deliberate and vote to decide on the winner.

Two cities are reportedly in the running for the book launch: Biden’s beloved hometown of Scranton, Pennsylvania, and Dover, Delaware. At the time of this printing, Dover was leading in the vote among committee members. However, Scranton is predicting that when all the mail-in ballots have been counted, they will be the winner.

Biden’s son Hunter, in a touching note to his daughter, has graciously agreed to cover all the Literary Committee’s operational costs for the next thirty years.

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