No Introductions Needed

by Paul C. Binotto

© 2014

Clay is a great adventurer, he loves adventure, especially dangerous adventure, he is very dangerously adventurous, but he hates the outdoors for fear of becoming lost.  So, he instead reads of the great dangerous outdoor adventures of other dangerously adventurous people.

Clay is dangerously adventurous in his reading; he very often dangerously skips over the introductions to adventure books and begins reading right at the Prologue, or more dangerously, at Chapter one – He frequently finds himself deep into the adventure of the book, well into chapter seven or eight before suddenly feeling very lost but still not altogether regretful of skipping over the introduction; so frozen with fear he  becomes at feeling lost, he doesn’t dare read deeper into the book’s adventure. 

Clay has a terrible sense of direction; therefore, he never retraces the pages he already read in order to become unlost; instead, Clay never finishes reading adventure books, and the more dangerously adventurous the book is the less likely it is he will make it as far as chapter seven or eight. 

Clay has many books on his bookshelf which he never finished reading, with bookmarks stuck somewhere between chapter seven and eight, and he has seven or eight dangerously adventurous books with bookmarks stuck somewhere between chapter one and chapter seven.  Clay’s bookshelf contains many adventure books, several of which are dangerously adventurous, all of them with bookmarks stuck somewhere between chapter one and eight, none with bookmarks stuck in the introductions.

Clay uses only paper bookmarks. Clay enjoys the dangerously adventurous feeling he gets when he runs his fingers over the tops of the many flaps of paper bookmarks protruding from the tops of the adventure books on his bookshelf.  

Clay likes people, especially people he finds to be dangerously adventurous. In fact, he likes them very much and considers himself to be quite social, “once someone gets to know him”. Clay hates introductions; so much so, he finds it to be too dangerously adventurous to ever become introduced to someone prior to knowing them very well for at least several years. No one ever gets to know Clay very well. 

Clay never accepts introductions outdoors. Clay never has guests over to his little apartment, even though he owns six place settings of lovely gold-leaf trimmed china dinnerware left to him by his grandmother. Clay never actually met his grandmother; she died during an adventure trip to Africa the day before he was born.  In addition to the lovely gold-leaf trimmed china dinnerware set, Clay’s mother saved for him his grandmother’s obituary that gives a detailed description of her untimely but adventurous death in Africa, so Clay might become introduced to the grandmother who died before he was born. 

Clay began to read the obituary, skipping over the part where it gave his grandmother’s name, date of birth and date of death. He lost his place half-way through the obituary and became frightened and never finished reading it. Clay can’t remember his grandmother’s name or when she was born or when she died. Clay has yet to come to terms with his grandmother’s untimely death, but he admires her for being dangerously adventurous like himself.  He also admires his grandmother’s six place settings of lovely gold-leaf trimmed china dinnerware. 

Clay used his grandmother’s paper obituary as a bookmark; it is stuck somewhere in between chapter one and seven of a dangerously adventurous book he was reading in her honor.  He feels close to her when he runs his fingers over the tops of the many paper bookmarks protruding from the adventure books on his bookshelf. However, he also feels a little embarrassed to realize his grandmother’s obituary is among the many flaps of paper bookmarks giving him the dangerously adventurous feeling he enjoys.

Clay also feels close to his grandmother when he eats off her lovely gold-leaf trimmed china dinner plates, although he feels a little embarrassed of the closeness required to handwash his grandmother’s dinner plates, so he washes them in the dishwasher. 

Lovely gold-leaf trimmed china dinner plates should not be washed in the dishwasher. The gold-leaf trim of many of Clay’s grandmother’s lovely china dinner plates is being washed off in the dishwasher; this also makes Clay feel a little embarrassed.  The more gold-leaf trim of Clay’s grandmother’s lovely china dinner plates that washes off in the dishwasher, the less valuable they become, and the less Clay values them.  He now seldom takes his grandmother’s lovely china dinner plates out of the cupboard, instead he now prefers to eat off paper dinner plates which require neither handwashing or washing in the dishwasher.

Since Clay has begun to eat only off paper plates, he has seen a decrease in his monthly water bill and he uses the extra money to buy more adventure books.  Clay is beginning to feel lost in his little apartment cramped with adventure books, and he is becoming tired of eating alone every evening on paper plates.  Clay is beginning to think it’s time to give up his dangerously adventurous lifestyle for a more settled existence.

Clay is beginning to wish his grandmother would have given up her dangerously adventurous lifestyle and settled down at least long enough to have him over to her little apartment for dinner where they would dine off her lovely china dinner plates while she would tell him stories of the dangerous adventures of her youth. Clay is beginning to rethink his distaste for introductions.



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